Monday, August 19, 2013

A new club

A week ago today I joined a new club.  Maybe joined isn't the right word. The new club was thrust upon me.  Kind of like when you get your first period (sorry dad) know it's coming and then when it finally does, it sucks. 

The club I joined is the one in which I will now say things like "when my mom was alive..." or "if my mom were here...".  My mom passed away early Monday morning. I prayed for a miracle up until the very end.  But, her healing didn't come here on Earth, her healing came in the form as death and she is a new person in Heaven.  She is with her parents and Jesus.  And when I think about it I am excited for her but sad for me and sad for my family.

It's been a hard week. I suspect these next few weeks will be even harder.  Last week was busy, busy, busy.  My mom actually planned most of her service but there was still a surprising amount to do.  I was proud of my parents.  They had to have some difficult conversations.  I know it can't be easy talking to your spouse about the things you want done at your funeral service.  She even picked the passages from the Bible she wanted ya'll.  But I'm glad they dad.  It made planning the service so much easier. Her service was perfect.  Just the right mix of funny, sad, remembering her & confidence of her place in Heaven.

I miss my mom some kind of fierce.  It's really starting to sink in that's she's gone.  I wished I would have called her more when she was well. I wish I would have taken my girls to see her more often.  But as my sweet husband told me, it would have never been enough.  Not matter how much time we spent together, it would have never been enough. My mom was so funny (her birthday is April Fool's day, very fitting), so generous, so thoughtful, and so loving.

Can I just talk about my husband in all of this.  He has seriously been amazing.  This past month I have been away so much.  Haven't kept up with the house, laundry, grocery shopping or anything... the only thing I've managed to do is keep us all alive.  The hubs has not once complained, got annoyed, or anything.  I've spent countless hours at the hospital & my parents house.  That leaves him at home with the kids, putting them to bed, giving baths, feeding them.  Which as a parent is his job but I assure you it's hard to do day in & day out without your partner around for support.  He was on vacation the week before my mom passed.  I know it wasn't nearly as exciting and restful as he had hoped but there he was, always a good sport and loving husband.

So my new normal begins today.  Wish me luck.

No comments: