What to do with Funeral Flowers

Ya'll, I'm not a sentimental person. Have I told you that?  I blame my mom. Seriously. She wasn't particularly sentimental person. But my mom got so many flowers when she passed. So. many.  And they were beautiful.  I would just walk around her room at the funeral home and look at them and read the cards a million times. At the church the morning of her funeral I looked at them again.  She would have loved all the flowers.  They really were amazing.

And so when it came time to bring flowers home or have them donated to a nursing home, I could hardly bear for any of the flowers not to come with me.  They were beautiful.  And amazing. And huge! I actually wrote my name on all the flowers and plants I wanted to come home with me! And then I had an idea. It actually came from my dear friends 7 year old daughter who had come to see my mom.  She said "Aunt Jen, I really like the flowers you picked out for your mom."  Be still my heart people.  I loved them too sweet girl.  I told her after the service I would bring them home and let her pick some out and take them home. Then it hit me.  How about I bring A LOT home and let a few of Avery's friends come over and make their own little flower arrangements? Even in the midst of sorrow I have genius ideas.

And so my sweet friend Tabitha and her girls came over. And also my friends and neighbors Lindsey and Darren and their 3 girls came over.  We got together one evening this week and gave the girls a vase and access to the gazillion flowers I was hoarding.

The girls picked and chose the perfect flowers to their hearts content!

 

It was chaos and a complete mess. My mom would have loved it!

 

 

It was such a fun thing to do with all the flowers and a great way to honor my mom. There were so many different varieties to choose from.  They even learned what "filler" is!

 

 

Even little Claire got in on the action!

 

The girls had a blast! I was impressed with the arrangements they came up with! Not too shabby for girls 7 and under!

 

Avery

 

Lyla

 

Chloe

 

Natalee

I missed getting a picture of Hannah with her arrangement. I'm pretty sure Hannah was just as happy that Ellie would actually sit in her lap for a short time! It is kind of a big deal. Ellie kind be a snob sometimes. a lot.

 

And the aftermath.

This actually looks cleaner than it actually was! But I wouldn't change it for the world.  It was such a fun time.  We ended the evening with pizza and playing outside.  It doesn't get better than that.

So if you ever find yourself in a situation with tons of flowers that you can't bear to get rid of, have a flower arranging party with your bestest friends (of the little or big variety).  I promise a good time will be had by all.

 

 

 

Girls Day

Before Avery started school I told her we'd have a girls day.  Avery started school on a Friday but Ellie started her Children's Day Out on a Thursday so it was just Avery and I for most of the day.

We decided we would go to the movies, get our nails & toes done, and do a little shopping.

When we got to the mall for the movie, it was a little too early to get tickets so I got a little breakfast and we just hung out.  Avery told me she didn't want anything and then ended up eating half my breakfast.  Typical.

 

  

 

Avery decided she wanted to see Despicable Me 2. I didn't realize it was 3D until we got to the theater. Confession: I've always thought the idea of 3D was dumb. Who wants to wear glasses during a movie?! Especially my 5 year old! But I have to say that my view is not forever changed. It was actually really fun and on several occasions Avery stuck her hands out to try to feel stuff that was coming for us. It was pretty cute. And the movie was adorable.

 

 

After the movies we went and got our nails done. Always a favorite event with us!

 

 

 

After we got our nails done we did a little shopping. Avery picked out a special outfit for the first day of school. Even accessorized with jewelry.

 

 

 

It was a great day for us. Just what the two of us needed. But the day was a little sad for me knowing that was something my mom would have definitely been a part of. She never missed a good girls day!

 

 

 

 

I love making these memories with my girls. I hope they will cherish them always!

Wedding pictures...a new generation

A few weeks ago I desperate to get pictures of Avery taken in my wedding dress.  My mom was not doing well and I knew that she would not be around to see those BIG moments in my girls' lives.  You know those moments like their first boyfriend, first day of high school, first prom, etc.  But what killed me the most was that my mom was not going to be around to see the girls get married.

 

Because she is a saint and the scheduling worked about one of my favorite photographers, Erin, agreed to come down from Tulsa for a quick, somewhat impromptu shoot of Avery in my wedding dress.  The pictures could not have turned out more beautifully. 

 

Erin has some exciting new opportunities in her future and likely won't be able to take pictures for us again soon.  I was honored she would take the time to do this for my family.

I gave the wedding dress pictures to my mom when we had our big talk. As you can imagine she loved them.  We laughed and cried as I told her about the photo shoot. It was such a special time and I'm glad that we did it. I mourn the times my mom will not be around to see my girls go through those big moments in life.  But she will be with us in our hearts and I know we'll be able to feel her presence there.

 

Here are the pictures of my little girl looking far too big.

 

 

 

 

 

One of my favorites...little miss pouty.

Be still my heart...

I love this one. Avery looks like a little girl having fun playing dress up.

I know it's picture overload but I can't help it. I puffy heart love the pictures. I can't wait to get Ellie to do this in a few years! It was such a fun time and something I'll always cherish. Thank you Erin!!

First Day of Kindergarten

My big kid started Kindergarten last Friday!! How is that possible?

I know how it's possible.  She keeps growing! 

 

I do wish she would stop but I know it just isn't going to happen.

 

 

So in the midst of all the sadness last week, we at least had Kindergarten to look forward to!It was the perfect distraction!

 

  

 

Avery was so excited. I think she asked me every day for an entire month when she was going to get to go to Kindergarten. We met her teacher last week and it just fueled her enthusiasm. Her teacher seemed very fun and the room was just what I would imagine a Kindergarten room to look like.

 

 

This kid just takes my breath away on a regular basis. She's so sweet, sassy & funny. Love her!

 

 

I'm looking forward to hearing lots of wonderful stories of Kindergarten this year!

 

 

 

Drop off was a family affair! Don't judge us for taking Ellie in her pj's.  It was EARLY ya'll.  7:30 AM to be exact!

 

 

One final picture before we said goodbye! She's such a big girl and so brave!

 

 

Have a great year Avery Grace!!

A new club

A week ago today I joined a new club.  Maybe joined isn't the right word. The new club was thrust upon me.  Kind of like when you get your first period (sorry dad) ...you know it's coming and then when it finally does, it sucks. 

The club I joined is the one in which I will now say things like "when my mom was alive..." or "if my mom were here...".  My mom passed away early Monday morning. I prayed for a miracle up until the very end.  But, her healing didn't come here on Earth, her healing came in the form as death and she is a new person in Heaven.  She is with her parents and Jesus.  And when I think about it I am excited for her but sad for me and sad for my family.

It's been a hard week. I suspect these next few weeks will be even harder.  Last week was busy, busy, busy.  My mom actually planned most of her service but there was still a surprising amount to do.  I was proud of my parents.  They had to have some difficult conversations.  I know it can't be easy talking to your spouse about the things you want done at your funeral service.  She even picked the passages from the Bible she wanted ya'll.  But I'm glad they dad.  It made planning the service so much easier. Her service was perfect.  Just the right mix of funny, sad, remembering her & confidence of her place in Heaven.

I miss my mom some kind of fierce.  It's really starting to sink in that's she's gone.  I wished I would have called her more when she was well. I wish I would have taken my girls to see her more often.  But as my sweet husband told me, it would have never been enough.  Not matter how much time we spent together, it would have never been enough. My mom was so funny (her birthday is April Fool's day, very fitting), so generous, so thoughtful, and so loving.

Can I just talk about my husband in all of this.  He has seriously been amazing.  This past month I have been away so much.  Haven't kept up with the house, laundry, grocery shopping or anything... the only thing I've managed to do is keep us all alive.  The hubs has not once complained, got annoyed, or anything.  I've spent countless hours at the hospital & my parents house.  That leaves him at home with the kids, putting them to bed, giving baths, feeding them.  Which as a parent is his job but I assure you it's hard to do day in & day out without your partner around for support.  He was on vacation the week before my mom passed.  I know it wasn't nearly as exciting and restful as he had hoped but there he was, always a good sport and loving husband.

So my new normal begins today.  Wish me luck.

My mom has Cancer

I'm not sure I need to say anymore right?  It's everything I never wanted to hear. But it's true.  In early March of this year my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 endometrial cancer. A few weeks ago she was sent home from the hospital with Hospice care. And the truth is: my mom is dying. 

Tomorrow I will do the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I have some one on one time planned and I will essentially tell my mom good-bye.  And though I know this will not be last time I see her, it will be a time that I will tell her how much how much she has meant to me over the past 34 years.

I want to tell her:

• how much I love her.
• how much I will miss her.
• no one loves my girls like she does.
• no one has ever taken care of me like she has.
• I have never wished she wasn't my mom.
• I regret not calling her more when she was well.
• I'm so sad that my girls will never know her I like I knew her.
• I cry almost everyday that she won't physically be there to see my girls graduate from high school, or go to prom, or meet their first boyfriend, or be there when they get married...
• thank you for all the prayers that have been sent up for me and my family.
• I hope my girls are as proud of me as I am of her.
• she's so strong and so brave and so beautiful.
• thank you for sacrificing so much over the years.
• I can not imagine my life without her. I can't fathom a life that I can't pick up the phone and call her and tell funny stories about Avery & Ellie.

My mom has taught me so much.  She taught me:

• ironed clothes are better than wrinkled clothes.
• it's better to be overdressed than underdressed.
• when in doubt, wear a slip.
• the proper way to fold a t-shirt, underwear & towels.
• not to get mad when kids break stuff.  It's an accident.
• moms would do anything for their kids.  Like coming over in the middle of the afternoon to hold a crying, cranky newborn while her daughter takes a nap.
• how to be creative.
• you should wear pantyhose on your wedding day (even though I didn't).
• how to be tactful in most situations.
• you can be a successful working mom.
• most importantly, how to be a mom.

There's so much more that I want to tell my mom. And so much more that my mom has taught me.  I never, ever thought I would be in this place.  It's awful. It sucks. It's the worst thing ever. And I assure you there is nothing that can be say to make anyone feel better. But do know that I appreciate your prayers; well wishes &; good thoughts.  I appreciate you asking how my mom is doing. And how I'm doing. I appreciate your offers to watch my girls. And to clean my house. I appreciate those that have brought food to my parents. It all means so much.

I go back and forth between being thankful that I have this time with my mom.  That I can tell her how much I love her.  How lucky I am to have her as my mom.  How lucky my girls are to have an amazing Gigi.  And the other side of me is mourning those times I know she is not going to be there. The times I want to call her and ask if she wants to get a pedicure, does she want to go school shopping with me, does she want to take Avery to Branson on a girls trip...mourning all those times I thought she would always be around for.

And the sadness comes to me at weird times.  I'll be driving down the road and just start crying. Sometimes in the shower my eyes tear up.  Looking at old pictures of my girls often makes me sad.  Seeing my dad being such an amazing, loving caretaker to my mom is just about more than I can handle.

So I'm not sure how much longer I have with my mom.  I go see her almost every single day.  It's tough right now.

But I've always said my hope is in Christ.  I know that my mom is a Christian and when she is called home, she will not be missing us here on Earth.  She will be rejoicing in Heaven with Jesus and those that have gone on before her. And though I will be terribly sad and never get used to a life without her, she will be in such a better place.