My mom has Cancer

I'm not sure I need to say anymore right?  It's everything I never wanted to hear. But it's true.  In early March of this year my mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 endometrial cancer. A few weeks ago she was sent home from the hospital with Hospice care. And the truth is: my mom is dying. 

Tomorrow I will do the hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I have some one on one time planned and I will essentially tell my mom good-bye.  And though I know this will not be last time I see her, it will be a time that I will tell her how much how much she has meant to me over the past 34 years.

I want to tell her:

• how much I love her.
• how much I will miss her.
• no one loves my girls like she does.
• no one has ever taken care of me like she has.
• I have never wished she wasn't my mom.
• I regret not calling her more when she was well.
• I'm so sad that my girls will never know her I like I knew her.
• I cry almost everyday that she won't physically be there to see my girls graduate from high school, or go to prom, or meet their first boyfriend, or be there when they get married...
• thank you for all the prayers that have been sent up for me and my family.
• I hope my girls are as proud of me as I am of her.
• she's so strong and so brave and so beautiful.
• thank you for sacrificing so much over the years.
• I can not imagine my life without her. I can't fathom a life that I can't pick up the phone and call her and tell funny stories about Avery & Ellie.

My mom has taught me so much.  She taught me:

• ironed clothes are better than wrinkled clothes.
• it's better to be overdressed than underdressed.
• when in doubt, wear a slip.
• the proper way to fold a t-shirt, underwear & towels.
• not to get mad when kids break stuff.  It's an accident.
• moms would do anything for their kids.  Like coming over in the middle of the afternoon to hold a crying, cranky newborn while her daughter takes a nap.
• how to be creative.
• you should wear pantyhose on your wedding day (even though I didn't).
• how to be tactful in most situations.
• you can be a successful working mom.
• most importantly, how to be a mom.

There's so much more that I want to tell my mom. And so much more that my mom has taught me.  I never, ever thought I would be in this place.  It's awful. It sucks. It's the worst thing ever. And I assure you there is nothing that can be say to make anyone feel better. But do know that I appreciate your prayers; well wishes &; good thoughts.  I appreciate you asking how my mom is doing. And how I'm doing. I appreciate your offers to watch my girls. And to clean my house. I appreciate those that have brought food to my parents. It all means so much.

I go back and forth between being thankful that I have this time with my mom.  That I can tell her how much I love her.  How lucky I am to have her as my mom.  How lucky my girls are to have an amazing Gigi.  And the other side of me is mourning those times I know she is not going to be there. The times I want to call her and ask if she wants to get a pedicure, does she want to go school shopping with me, does she want to take Avery to Branson on a girls trip...mourning all those times I thought she would always be around for.

And the sadness comes to me at weird times.  I'll be driving down the road and just start crying. Sometimes in the shower my eyes tear up.  Looking at old pictures of my girls often makes me sad.  Seeing my dad being such an amazing, loving caretaker to my mom is just about more than I can handle.

So I'm not sure how much longer I have with my mom.  I go see her almost every single day.  It's tough right now.

But I've always said my hope is in Christ.  I know that my mom is a Christian and when she is called home, she will not be missing us here on Earth.  She will be rejoicing in Heaven with Jesus and those that have gone on before her. And though I will be terribly sad and never get used to a life without her, she will be in such a better place.

My first 13.1

A few  weekends was kind of a big weekend for me.  I ran my first half marathon! That's 13.1 miles ya'll and it was awesome!

I have been running for almost a year now.  I have run on and off since Avery was born but got serious about it about July of last year. I ran my first 5K in September. Took some time off and in January I thought I would train for a 10K.  Well, that turned into training for a half marathon. The OKC Memorial (half) Marathon to be exact.

You see, on April 19, 1995 my city was forever changed. On that morning, Timothy McVeigh drove a Ryder rental truck loaded with explosives to the Alfred P Murrah Federal Building, ignited his bomb and walked away.  The bomb exploded exploded killing 168 lives including 19 children.  At the time, it was the largest act of domestic terriorism in the history of the United States (later to be replaced by 9/11).  I was 17 years old and honestly did not realize the impact of what it all meant.  Today I get it. Our city was changed, united, shocked, humbled and best of all, survived.

So you see, the OKC Memorial Marathon is kind of a big deal.  It honors the 168 lives lost.  And I thought it was the perfect race for my inaugural half marathon. I began thinking more and more about the bombing and the impact of it as the race got closer and closer. I wanted to run for someone but I didn't really know anyone impacted by bombing.  But I did know someone.  My uncle, who is now a retired OKC firemen, was one of those firemen that spent countless hours doing search and resuce and later search and recovery.  It wasn't an easy job for him or any of those other responders and I am in awe of what they sacrificed and accomplished during those dark days.  Thank you uncle Danny!

The race was on a Sunday morning so I tried to spend Saturday pretty low key.  I ate a pasta and bread dinner and got in bed early.  I actually slept pretty good although the 4:15 AM wake up call was not pleasant. I got up, got dressed and had breakfast and coffee.  The hubs got up for a few minutes with me and we discussed where he'd be with the girls on the course. I was so excited he and the girls would be cheering me on!

I caught a ride with my good pal Lindsey who was participating in the marathon relay. **Side note: She rocked the 10K portion in under an hour! So proud of her!**

The race was pretty amazing.  To see the support for those affected by the bombing and the support for Boston was pretty awesome.  The crowd support was really great and fun.  There were SO many people participating in this run.  Around 23,000 if I am correct.  It took me about 20 minutes to even get to the starting line!

You can't even see the starting point in this picture.

Along the first few miles banners with the victims names lined the street.  It was pretty humbling and a great reminder of why we were running.

 

I saw the hubs and the girls around mile 10.  Just the boost I needed. Avery was holding a sign she made that said "Go Mommy". She was on R's shoulders and Ellie was in her stroller.  They were all smiles when they saw me. I also saw an old high school friend around mile 10 1/2 and I stopped to give her a quick hug and she took a quick picture.  Again, a great pick me up to finish!

 

 

I started to get emotional around mile 12.  I couldn't believe I was so close to finishing.  That I had done it. That when I started running I couldn't even run a mile without stopping. And here I was about to finish 13.1 miles.  The only stops I made were at water stations. I drank my water and picked right back up to running. I couldn't believe that just a few months before I said "I'm going to run a half marathon".  So many times I wanted to quit.  So many times I pushed myself so much further that I ever thought I could go.So many times I thought those long training runs were enough for me. I'd be happy running 8 miles. 9 miles. 11 miles. But deep down I knew those long runs weren't enough. I wanted that 13.1. I learned so much about running and myself during those training runs.  

I finished in 2:47.  I wasn't the fastest person out there but I wasn't the slowest either. I had no expectations of what I wanted my time to be so I am pretty darn proud of myself.  I have a place to start now and can only get better!

When I finished I actually saw another high school friend that had just completed her first half marathon. It's kind of amazing how running bonds you to people.

Running isn't for everyone. But running has given me an unbelievable amount of confidence. I feel like a rock star when I'm on the road. Like I can do anything.  My advice to you? Find that one thing that makes you feel like a rock star and go for it! Set a goal. Acheive the goal.  You will feel amazing when you do!

So now I am totally rocking this on my car (even if my hubby does think its dorky).

Running Fail

So if we're friends on Facebook or Instagram or in real life, you probably know that I've taken up running.  I love it. I really do.  Sometimes I don't love it while I'm doing it but I always love it when I'm done.

 

So this week I've been in a major funk.  I haven't wanted to run, workout or do anything healthy. I blame it on Spring Break.  And my kids.  I love those little crazies but they make their momma crazy! I digress. Normally I actually look forward to my training runs during the week but this week I haven't. 

 

Last night I knew I had to do it.  It was cold, getting dark and I had a bad attitude about getting out.  But I laced up and got my cold weather gear on.

 



 

 

My goal was 4 miles.  But I wasn't above calling it a night after 3 miles. Actually 4 miles is my standard training run distance.  I kind of feel like I've just gotten warmed up after 3 miles so what's 1 more mile.

 

So I head out around 8 PM. I tell the hubs I won't even be gone an hour so if I'm gone that long come and look for me (I've watched too many episodes of Criminal minds).  I actually even set the kitchen timer so he doesn't forget about me.

 

I start my run and after a mile I start feeling pretty good.  I feel like my pace is good and I'll go ahead and get in 4 miles.  I've eaten like crap lately and although you can't out train a bad diet I figured I could do some damage control.  I hit 2 miles and I think that for the next mile or so I'll start kicking it up between mail boxes.  Not necessarily sprinting but just picking up the fast. Faster pace, normal pace, faster pace, normal pace...you get the idea.

 

I turn our onto the main road in my addition.  I had my regular pace going on and then it happened. I fell.  Flat. on. my. face. I'm pretty sure I must have scared the beejeezus out of the car that was headed toward me as I fell.  They did slow down. But didn't stop.  Jerks.

 

 

I jacked up my ankle so I had to walk home.  Ya'll, it's a much colder walk home than it is running.  THANKFULLY I was actually headed back toward my house and I wasn't too far out. 

 

So there you have it.  My running fail. The first time I've fallen while running. I've had some close calls but had always managed to stay on my feet.  Not last night. I was down on the ground. Scraped hand and knee to prove it.

 

The worst part? My pace was actually looking pretty good (for me).

   



 

Well, actually the worst part is my ankle still hurts and it would probably be advisable to not run on it for a day or 2.  Whatever.

 

 

Happy Friday!! 

Ellie Abigail: 15 months

Ellie Abigail. Sweet girl.  You are hot mess express but you are ours and we can't get enough. You are 15 months old and you are busy, busy, busy!  You are into everything and nothing is safe...high or low.

At 15 months you:

• wearing 12-18 month clothes & 18 mo clothes
• wearing size 3 shoes.
• wear size 3 disposable diapers although we are using cloth diapers 90% of the time.
• walking everywhere. Everywhere!

• getting 4(!) teeth and we are pretty sure there are more about to pop through any day now.
• eat whatever the family eats. Some of your favorites are mac n cheese, pineapples, blueberries, tortilla with cheese, spaghetti, goldfish, Gerber grabbers, & peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  
• love having your teeth brushed.
• LOVE playing with your sister. You girls are the best of friends and Avery is such an amazing big sister. One of your favorite things to do is play Ring around the Rosies.  We will hear you walking around the house saying "ashes, ashes,...).  It's pretty darn cute!
• a big daddy's girl. As soon as daddy gets home you want nothing to do with mommy. 
• are babbling so much.  We can catch some words here and there. Once you start talking we're pretty sure between you and Avery we won't get a word in edgewise!
• lay down on your changing table all by yourself.
• still crying when we put you in your crib at night. It usually don't last too long. You are still sleeping with a paci at night and we recently started turning on your projector at night. You are still sleeping with your pink lovey bear.  We hope we never lose that lovey!
• DO NOT like to get things taken away from you.  You can really throw quite the fit!
• climb on everything. Couch, tables, step stools...anything off the ground is what you want to be on.  You have no fear.
• love being outside.  This spring is really the first time you've had the opportunity to really play outside.  You and Avery love playing on the playset. You can climb up the ladder like a real champ!
• give kisses on occasion although you are quite stingy with them. 
• will push anyone away when you don't want them close. It's usually Avery you are trying to push away.  She just loves you so much!
• are doing much better at Mother's Day Out.  You still cry but not for long and you really have a great time.  You still don't take long naps but you are happy.
• usually take 1 nap but sometimes we give you an evening nap when you need it.
• drink great from a sippy cup or straws. I can't believe how big you are!

You did great at your 15 month appointment.  You weighed 21 lbs 5 oz and were 30 inches tall.  You were about 24th percentile for weight and around 50th for height.  You did have to get a few shots but you took them like a champ and only cried for a few minutes.

Ellie, you are becoming such a little big girl! We are seeing your personality more and more everyday. You are quite the curious little girl and know exactly what you want.  We love you so very much and you make our family complete! We cannot wait to see the little girl you become!

 

 

 

 

And no blog post is complete without a picture of this big kid.

 

 

 

A Night at the Theater

 

 

A few weeks ago I found out a local high school was putting on Beauty and the Beast.  I found out on a Thursday and the other other performances were Friday and Saturday.  We were busy Saturday so I decided to take my big kid on Friday evening.  We'd have a Mommy/Daughter Date.

 

Well, this was the date that almost didn't happen.  After school on Friday Avery turned into the Beast. I kid you not. And when she turns into the Beast this momma become Momma Beast. I thought there was going to be bloodshed.   All over her wanting to wear comfy pants (yoga pants) and a tutu leotard to the theater.  Apparently she thought that was fancy enough. Momma Beast did not think so.  Thankfully, she had a change of heart (threat to cancel the evening) and picked out more appropriate outfit.



 

Seriously people.  Isn't she a beauty?  Maybe you need more proof.

 

 

 

Pretty sure I'm the luckiest mom ever.  We made it to the show with only a few minutes to spare.

 



 

The show was awesome.  Fun fact: I was in drama when I was in high school.  Once I played Malynn in our production of Steel Magnolias.  That's the Sally Field character if you are wondering. Fun fact over. I was so impressed with this production.  The kids did awesome and I may have teared up a little at the end.  And I'm not even their momma! I know how much hard work and dedication the cast and crew put into the show and I was just so proud for them.

 

At the end of the show I asked Avery if she liked it.  She said "I didn't like it, I LOVED it." She was dancing in the aisles and was mesmerized the whole time.

 

After the performance we headed to our favorite place.  Orange Leaf!

 



 

 

And just like that our Mommy/Daughter date was over. When we got home that big girl crashed! We both had a great time! I can't wait to take her again. And when the little is big enough, it'll be a regular girls night out! No daddies allowed! 

Weekend Wrap Up

As a mostly stay at home mom, I get asked if I look forward to the weekend as much as the next working mom.  And the answer is Heck Yes!  The weekends means the hubs is home to help with the kids and lots of family time! This weekend was no exception.

Friday night I started the guest bath make-over.  This bathroom was actually the girls bathroom.  And it was so boring.  We decided to make the bathroom closer to their rooms "their" bathroom and make this the guest bathroom. Blah, blah, blah!

 

 Saturday I got up and ran 9 miles.  That's right 9 miles ya'll.  It was long and hard.  I wasn't sure I was going to be able to make it.  The only thing that kept me going was the thought that I didn't want to have to come back home and tell the hubs I didn't make it!

 

 

I may have also done this. I love swimming with the Barbies. I've done an ice bath a few times and it helps with the soreness.  I wasn't sore at all after that 9 mile run!

 



 

I actually ran it faster than I expected.  I thought it would take me 2 hours but I finished in 1 hour 50 minutes.  About a 12:13 pace. I was pleased!

 

Saturday was absolutely beautiful so we spent some time outside.  These girls LOVE being outside.  Ellie was a December baby so when spring/summer rolled around last year she wasn't crawling or walking so she didn't get to really enjoy being outside.  This year she is LOVING it!

 



 

 

Sunday brought church.  I rocked a pencil skirt that I haven't been able to wear in a few years and this fun leopard print jacket.



When I bought the jacket the arms were really tight.  Like I didn't wear it much, tight.  But now the arms fit perfect and I can actually button it. I'm fairly certain I weigh about the same it's just more proof that my body is changing for the better! Yay!

 

Our St. Patrick's Day was pretty uneventful.  Ronnie's cousin is having a garage sale next weekend and so we got to have a special sneak peek.  We couldn't leave without bringing home this beauty.

 



The wig.  Not the kid.  We already own the kid.

 

And this was the cutest leprechaun ever.

 





 

And I did finish up painting the bathroom from top to bottom.  The color looks like a mint green in this pic but it's actually Icy Teal.  I'm loving it.  Now if I can convince the hubs to paint the wood white, we'd be in business!

 



 

 

So there you have it.  My weekend in mostly Instagram photos (I'm kind of addicted to Instagram).  It was a great weekend but always too short. 

 

This week is Spring Break for us around these parts.  Hoping to do some fun things with the kiddos! And maybe clean my house...

 

How was your weekend! Did you do anything fun and exciting? 

Spring has Sprung!

A blog post?! I know its been a while.  Trying to renew myself and start documenting life a little more.

The weather was absolutely perfect today in the 405.  After dinner we headed outside for some family play time. 

There was playing...

 

 

 

 

Lots of climbing...

Dancing...

 

 

Practicing stairs...

And an overall good time.

 

 

Love this family. Love these girls. Love this weather!

 

 

Does it get much better? I think not! So glad spring is here! I suspect there will be many more evenings like this in our future!